JellyBabies
by YonderB
Summary: AU. Oneshot. Crack. "You're wearing geek-glasses and eating jelly-babies," Leon observed, his voice flat. He wasn't even going to mention the shirt. "And I'm also wearing women's underwear," Cloud replied.


Stomping his way up the stairs to his dorm-room, Squall 'Leon' Leonhart stuffed his hands into his pockets and shoved the ajar door wide open with a well-aimed kick. The moment he entered, however, he froze.

Leon's grey-blue eyes were fixed unwaveringly on his roommate, Cloud Strife. Cloud was known for being one of the school's heartthrobs –Leon being another one of them–, he often wore sleeveless shirts that showed off his elegantly muscled physique and his blonde hair was always intricately styled –_hours_, it took. The blonde was finicky about details sometimes–.

However, he was not wearing his usual attire right now.

The blonde Strife lay on his bed, propped up by a half-dead beanbag, wearing a pink flannel shirt, what looked like a pair of worn jeans that had been patched by hippies, and a pair of square-framed glasses, his hair flat and 'normal' looking, falling over one eye. Cloud dug a hand into the bag of jelly-babies that lay by his side, and continued to read the novel in his hand.

"You're wearing geek-glasses and eating jelly-babies," Leon observed, his voice flat. He wasn't even going to _mention_ the shirt.

"And I'm also wearing women's underwear," Cloud replied, deadpan, popping another jelly-baby into his mouth without looking at Leon.

The brunette winced sharply at the information he would've done anything to not hear. "... Why the FUCK are you telling me that?" he finally snapped, walking into the room completely and slamming the door behind him, the nearby closet doors rattling from the force.

A pleasantly charming smile crept onto the blonde's face and his bright blue eyes looked over the wire frames of his glasses and through his blonde fringe in a smug fashion. "Just to screw with your mind, Leonhart. You know I like doing that." he said. "I lost a bet, anyway," he added.

Leon walked over to his bed and yanked his laptop out from under the mattress. "Oh? With whom?"

"The she-devil," was his reply.

The brown-haired male glanced up with raised eyebrows, still slightly hunched over his bed, his laptop in hand, staring at the blond who sat calmly just a metre or so away, straightening his rectangular spectacles and eying the closet blankly.

"_You?_" breathed Leon. "You _dared_ to bet against _Larxene?_"

There was a wave of a hand as if to say 'meh', and a page was turned of the novel in hand before blue eyes looked back down at the printed words.

"I'm surprised you're not missing your liver; a kidney; and your left testicle because of that woman," the brown-haired male continued, straightening up and gaping openly at his embarrassingly-dressed colleague. "She let you off by just making you _dress like a homo?_ It's not much of a change."

Blue eyes looked directly up from the novel and stared piercingly at the wall beside the closet opposite the blond man, before Cloud flicked his head to the side and looked at Leon with a flat, unimpressed expression.

With a grunt, the seated male slung his closest leg to the other male over the edge of the bed, heel brushing the floor, spreading the distance between his legs in a manner that made whatever was in his pockets crinkle loudly and the material of the crotch of his pants bunch in a way which would be rather distracting for many a sane person.

"Want to _check_ if I still have my left testicle?" Cloud asked in a bland voice, a blond eyebrow raising in challenge. "I don't know if Larxene is truly as talented with knives as she is terrifying."

Leon gave Cloud the finger.

Cloud replied by opening his mouth and doing something thoroughly obscene with his tongue.

Leon sat down on his bed and placed his laptop on his thighs immediately and chose to ignore the other male.

The blond man smirks, placing another confectionary bear into his mouth. With a snigger, he drew a single vertical line in the air before pointing to himself and smirking smugly at the other occupant in the room.

Again, he receives a middle-finger in reply and the obscurely-dressed male's smirk widens into something charmingly crooked.

"Repeating yourself, aren't you?" hummed Cloud smugly. "You should try something new. Something that will truly throw your opponent for a loop." He picks a bit of lint from his gaudy, disgustingly pink shirt.

"Oh?" Leon breathes, half of his attention on the blond, the rest of it on whatever was on his laptop screen. He tapped impatiently on his keys, grey eyes snapping over the screen. "What do you suggest, Professor?"

Within a split second, Leon was twisted around, a constricting arm around his neck, a hand cupping his face roughly, and a foreign tongue_ in his mouth_.

With a sound vaguely resembling a '_G'MRGH!_', the brown-haired man was released a second later, and he fell straight off the edge of his bed, leg hooked over the edge of the mattress, but the rest of his body on the floor; propped up barely by his elbows, gaping up at his roommate, who just smirked down at him from on all fours beside his laptop.

"I did it," said Cloud.

The brown-haired male stared up at the blond confusedly before spitting out the jelly-baby that had been forced onto his tongue by another. Before he could ask what the hell Cloud meant, there was a bang of doors almost flying off the hinges.

Grey eyes snapping to the side, promptly Leon gaped.

The doors of the closet were wide open, and Larxene stood there, arms crossed over her chest authoritatively, her chin up, and two nervous-looking lackeys behind her. The shell-slocked brunet couldn't help notice she had a camera in hand.

"This," says Larxene, holding up the camera in her hand, lips pursed, "is pay-back for last week's fiasco, Leonhart," she snapped.

A little piece of Leon's soul died that moment.

"I had _nothing do do with that!_" cried the young man, staggering to his feet, his legs weak from the shock of being violated by Strife-tongue. Who bloody knows _where_ that man put his tongue? I mean, really. _Germs!_ "I don't even like caterpillars! Ask Strife!"

"Keep me out of this," huffed the blonde, crossing his arms over his chest. "I only agreed with Larxene to kiss you for the photo. That's it." A tug at his gaudy pink shirt. "This is oddly comfy..."

The brown-haired victim clutched his hair with utter horror as Larxene and her posse swept out of the closet, where they had been hiding, and disappeared out of the door of the dorm-room without another word.

Leon only just kept himself from crying.

There was a squeal of springs and he looked to the side to see Cloud seating himself once more onto his bed, picking up his novel again and sticking his hand into his upturned bag of jelly-babies.

"... What could you have possibly gained from this?" breathed the standing male, his voice quiet and shaky from a mixture of strong emotions and thoughts.

"As I said, it was a bet," said Cloud simply with a shrug, placing another one of the confections onto his tongue. "I just hadn't lost yet. The bet was that you were gay, and Larxene wanted some blackmail on you anyway, so, we decided to kill two birds with one stone." Another shrug. He was acting like one would when speaking of suits and the weather. "Still not sure if you're gay, though."

"You still haven't answered my question, Strife."

"I get off on messing with people's heads, Leonheart. You just rated an eight-point-two on the MindFucked™ scale. Thanks. This keep me 'happy' for the next week."

The brown-haired male collapsed on his bed, smothering his face in the fluffy sheets, letting out a low, muffled suicidal sound. Akin to a dying, agonised animal, really. On the neighboring bed, Cloud flicked a jelly-baby through the air and it ricocheted off Leon's head.

"_I hate you,_" breathed Leon into the sheets.

"I'm glad. Wouldn't want people liking me. Goodness! Next thing you know, i'll be passing out tulips and kissing babies. I still don't know if you're gay or not."

"I'm not. Trust me."

"Can I check?"

A pillow slammed into Cloud's face before he could react, and a shower of jelly-babies flew through the air and peppered the floor as screamed curses and obscenities exploded from both males.

A week later, a giant blow-up of Squall Leonhart kissing an unnamed, unknown homosexual was glued to the front of the school for all to see.

Leon got a sudden bout of dizziness at the sight of it and had to stay in the infirmary for the rest of the day.

Cloud visited at lunch time to give Leon the report that he was 'hot' with the 'unnamed but unlawfully handsome and sexy and courageous and awesome and extra, extra sexy homosexual' that he was kissing in the picture.

The blond got a pillow shoved into his face once more.

A month after that, Larxene let out a shrieking scream at the sight of caterpillars once more crawling through and devouring her school belongings.

A tall, lanky red-head and a short guy with a mohawk giggled gleefully into their fists from around the corner.

((END. I have no Idea what that accomplished, but, it was interesting to write. Hope you like it!))


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